I guess its about that time to update again. Especially before my amoeba diamond kills me!!! (love you Tera)

So this semester so far is going SOO much better for me.  I have 15 credits, not 18 and I am loving my classes.  They are not the easiest but I love them.  I started FCS classes so my triple major is official and now in play... :) Can't wait.  Heres something interesting.  The blog before that I talked about the test i stayed up all night studying for..well in the morning i was throwing up i was so nervous. Took the test and thought i did great. I was like I at least got a B on this test...well yeah, my professor FAILED ME!!! I got a D on the test, "supposively" , I tried asking for my test back to see and he wouldn't show me. So let me tell you i was TICKED. Wasted alot of time, money and energy in the stupid class!

Anyways...its done and over with.  I am not currently president of ALPHA DELTA PI, and loving it.  It is ALOT of work, more than i realized, but thats ok cause I love sorority, i love my sisters, and we all know I LOVE taking charge. I get to go to Michigan in 2 weeks for it, and tahts always a good time!

For spring break, everyone is going to like the sunshine, beaches, heres me UTAH! But I can't wait. I amg oing to visit my sister and Matt for a week.  We are going skiing and shopping and having girls night and all the fun things we dont usually get to do, especially now since shes gone :) YEAH I can't wait!!! (That was part of my Christmas present from them too, so that was a huge bonus)

And On the note of my sister...wedding is getting closer, I think like 163 days or something like that.  And guess who doesn't fit into her dress!!! Yeah that'd be me.  I ordered my dress in Oct and come Dec, it was definately a TAD to tight.  So I am in workout/loose weight mode HARDCORE.  I've been working out 6 days a week for 3 weeks, so thats pretty good isn't it? Here's hoping!

I think thats about it...I really miss Andrea. We talked the other night for almost an hour, even if it was a drunk dial.  I feel bad shes going through alot now and i know its got to be hard on her. But I miss her lots, and hopefully this summer will be fun with us home, especially cause she'll be gone next year somewhere across seas...BOO! Eric, hes great as always.  So proud of that boy.  He is making great art :) I love to see it. Except this semester hes got a class of nudes...well ya know drawing them. It scares me alittle, but I know its 'PURELY ART" its just different! But I love him and thats enough said.

Hope you all have a great week!!! It's looking like spring so how can you not! BYE ALL!

So it is 1:40 AM and I have been studying since 3:00 p.m for my western civilization final.  I am going cross eyed looking at kings, and popes, and dates and readings! But I NEED to pass this class.  I am getting a bad grade, and am taking it pass fail...and am not even passing--YEAH! And Definately found out on MONDAY, that i dont even need this class...ALITTLE PISSED that i wasted a whole semester in this dumb class. But yeah thats college.

So finals week sucks for everyone lets be honest...I've never been so stressed, as i was this semester..never taking 18 credits again. I took so much out on Eric these past 2 weeks and i feel TERRIBLE...So baby if your reading this know i love you and i am SOO sorry.  He would try to cheer me and i took it out on him, even though hes miles/states away and just wanted to talk to me. We have both beem super stressed, i just can't wait to see him!

Also get to see andrea...can't wait. I'm so glad things are the way they are now... i am so much happier knowing i finally get to come home to my best friend again :) Can't wait to see her!!

But i need to get BACK to studying. I might study alittle more then go work out...I'm very energized *maybe cause i had 3 cups of coffee with 5 packs of sugar each :)* OH well GOOD NIGHT, GOOD LUCK, and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I feel so alone, that about sums up how i have been.  I dont know why.  LIke there are always girls around me b ut I feel like I have tons of "acquantances" and not friends or even best friends. Everyone is super busy this year but I still feel like i never have time to do anything and w hen I do want to sit down and talk or watch a movie, that i have noone to do it with.  It's noones fault and I'm not putting blame but right now I feel like i have tons of sisters and acquantances but noone I can truely go to...

As soon as someone hears teh word "depressed", whether it be "I'm feeling depressed" or more seriously "I am depressed" they like run from you.  I am not saying that I am depressed or anythign like that but I have been FEELING that way. Just as an emotion.  But i feel like the second someone hears that, they just close up inside and dont want to hear about it.

Also i feel like i can't find "myself."  Lately i feel like this person wants me to be this and that person wants me to be that and I'm in a struggle of finding who I want to be, not who everyone else wants me to be. I've never had that problem before. I was always Rebekah Marie and knew what i wanted, who i was. And Now i feel like i don't even know myself, so how is anyone else supposed ot know and/or help me....?

I don't know what to do, i can't help these feelings inside of me, and it just hurts....all the time

Currently Reading Every Young Woman's Battle : Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World (The Every Man Series) By Shannon Ethridge, Stephen Arterburn see related

I am bad at updating this. So these past few weeks have been so up and down.  I have been really confused about things--life mostly.  Friends to be specific.  I sat and talked to Adrienne and my mom last weekend and cried all day.  For some reason I have been really depressed about things, like to the point where I dont want to go out, I dont want to do anything.  That is not like me! I feel like I don't have friends, why, not sure! I know I have amazing friends here, but I guess in HS i was always around people and talked to everyone and then lost touch with most of those people for whatever reason.  I have been really trying to keep in touch with specific people from home because i dont want to loose them and its hard.  I feel like its me putting in alot of the effort and not them.  Well i guess i can't really say that, maybe its me speaking out loud. Ok i will say I do feel like that for one specific person. I am constantly calling her, IMing her, seeing whats up, checking in and seeing how her life is, and i get n o t hing in return! It's really frustrating because she was one of my best friends and now i feel as if her boyfriend is the only person she cares about...I guess that's how it is.  I mean granite yeah i have a boyfriend too and i love him, but hey i need my girlfriends just as much as i need him! But last night i finally was like screw it, friendships go two ways....

On that note, anothering thing is i'm a listener, i love to listen to people forever.  But sometimes i like to talk to, update people on my life and lately i feel like i'm just a listener, listening to everyone problems and life and never get to have someone listen to me. but oh well its not like my life is exciting anyways...I guess thats why i'm a psych major..to listen!

So I'm a triple major now...after much change!! I hopefully will not be here for 5 years i am going to try ti finish in 4, with a few summer classes.  It'll be cheaper that way. I am now psychology, religion, and child and family studies...sounds easy, really hard!

Saw Eric this weekend, I went to Chicago for our anniversary. It was amazing as always. We went to the zoo and out to eat for dinner. Went to the art museum made dinner and just enjoyed eachothers company. it was wonderful! I still get butterflies, I love it!!! Unfortunately his grandma passed away so he flew home on Sunday too and I went to the funeral.  It was a beautiful service.  It was nice to meet more of his family, but under the circumstances was really hard.

So for adpi, I'm thinking of doing president, but being a sophomore, i dont have priority. So that sucks. We'll see..i really want to and if i wait till my junior yr into my senior that means i will live in the adpi suite for 3 years. No offense i love adpi, but i want to live elsewhere on campus. ..Still working this out, i'll get back to you. We did initiate the other day. It was great! I t was nice being on the otherside and seeing things and hearing things i didn't catch the first time through.  It just reminds you of the true sacred bond of sisterhood...tear!

Well this is a long one i feel like i have alot on my mind though.  Families good, we are building a house in n. royalton...to be done the week after my ssiters wedding, CRAZY! But exciting. Wedding plans are coming along well, i miss her tons being in Utah but hopefully seh'll be home for thanksgiving (verne that is)

And I really miss the OU crew.  I hope they come and visit this year.  Meg and I are talking about possibly visiting andrea but we just aren't sure if we can go this semester so we are trying to work that out...if not this semester, next. I think thats all. College is crazy, but i'm trying to live it to the fullest and have the "time of my life..." sometimes is not possible with all this school work though!!! but for now, have a great day!

Live for the nights you will never remember, with the friends you will never forget!

This is how i've been feeling lately! I stole this from someone, but everytime i read it i feel like thats how it is! Loving AU, and loving my friends. College truely is the best years of your life!

Baby, you are my world, i love you always. This weekend made me truely realize i want to be with you forever.  You are my other half and you complete me. I love you to the stars and back today tomorrow and always. Miss you so much and each day gets harder and harder with out you. Can't wait to see you again!